Tip for modern adulterers: If you’re planning to cheat on your wife of 10 years by awkwardly hitting on the model seated next to you on your flight out of Los Angeles, make sure she isn’t live-tweeting the entire miserable experience to her 13,000 followers;
My dad accidentally told my sister she was an accident and she was like “ok but next time you’re angry at me just remember it’s your own fault because you didn’t wear a condom”
Last night I got up at 3 am to feed my cat. So I picked him up, noticed he was purring loudly, and thought in all seriousness:
"Very cat. Much purrs."
…then realized I may or may not spend too much time on this fucking website.
As your husband I feel I should inform you that you said that out loud.
OH MY GOD THAT’S EVEN WORSE
WAIT THERE ARW MARRIED COUPLES ON THIS WEBSITE!?
the other day we were discussing dating and this one dude was like “I don’t see the big deal why can’t people just ask people out without all the fuss” and another guy was like “well you get nervous and you get butterflies in your stomach ya know” and the first dude looked the other dude straight in the eye and said “DIGEST THEM.”
that guy in class who constantly adds irrelevant and stupid comments during the lecture
this girl ripped her galaxy leggings today and i couldnt stop laughing because there was a rip in the fabric of space
A third myth is that the poor are drug addicts. Unfortunately, the poor cannot afford to buy drugs.